Issue 1485
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "Since taking over the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, Michael Gove has been determined to create a farm policy that produces a ‘green Brexit’. But the tens of thousands of farmers who have Countryside Stewardship agreements with Natural England, a Defra agency, are increasingly disillusioned about any involvement with government-funded nature conservation…”
medicine balls
With M.D.: "The betrayal of public services since the 2015 election is far worse than any ‘betrayal of Brexit’. At least the Conservatives managed to deliver their manifesto promise of ‘a straight in-out referendum on our membership of the European Union’. That same manifesto made a number of promises about health and social care that were ludicrously fanciful at the time, given we were half way through the toughest period of austerity pubic services have ever seen, and have since failed on an epic scale…”
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "Terry Morgan’s slow-motion resignation from HS2 Ltd adds to the worrying instability in a project where £56bn of public cash is officially at stake – and much more unofficially. Morgan predicted publicly that he’d be required to resign from chairing HS2 Ltd and Crossrail Ltd. When that happened last week, transport secretary Chris Grayling (who has conspicuously not resigned over any of his department’s cock-ups) decided the public is not entitled to an explanation. He caused more bafflement by thanking Morgan for ‘his work as chair of HS2 Ltd’ and ‘his dedication and expertise’ at Crossrail ‘for almost a decade’…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "Anyone who left Britain in the 1980s – when the then-new Channel 4 was home to sexually explicit dramas, drunken talk-shows and experimental Norwegian animation – would surely be surprised, if turning on now, by the network’s schedules…
[reviews of A Very British Country House, Escape to the Chateau and World’s Weirdest Homes (all C4)].”
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "When Eye 1478 suggested back in September that in the name of encouraging competition, energy regulator Ofgem had set the bar for market entry too low, the 2018 casualty list of defunct small energy suppliers was then just three. Today it is seven, as Theresa May’s energy price cap starts to hurt. The failing suppliers are not even handing over the money they’ve taken from customers to fund renewable subsidies and the like; they are going bust with payments outstanding, often unsecured. The public will have to make up the difference…”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "There are pros and cons to being a music student in Wales, but an indisputable con is the fact that between 2011 and 2017 the Royal Welsh College of Music and Dance (RWCMD) lost 16 percent in government funding per student, while the equivalent English conservatoires gained 8 percent. How the disparity arose is complicated, which is perhaps why no one seems to have taken much notice – despite a Welsh government investigation last year. The consequent report has taken 12 months to achieve any impact…”
in the city
With Slicker: "Once again, Brexit bad boy Arron Banks is moving the pieces around on his offshore corporate chessboard. Documents in Gibraltar show that in September he transferred his personal shares in Southern Rock Insurance to its immediate parent company, Southern Rock Holdings. Banks controls Holdings through Manx company Rock Holdings. Banks transferred 300,000 A ordinary shares and 269,471 redeemable preference D shares. Whether this was for value is not indicated; nor is the reason for the transfer…”
eye world
Letter from Port Moresby
From Our Own Correspondent
: "Our government spared no expense to pamper the 10,000 delegates and guests who attended last month’s seven-day Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit here in Papua New Guinea, so it was a bitter blow when, for the first time in the summit’s 30-year history, the leaders of the 21 nations attending failed to agree a closing communique. The blame for this belongs squarely to China and the United States…”
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Next issue on sale: 22nd January 2019
Private Eye Issue 1485
In This Issue
Brexit Shock: What’s Going to Happen Now? Er, No One Knows… MPs Unite to Wreck Talks on Forming Government of National Unity… Delays in Transport Secretary Grayling’s Sacking ‘Totally Unacceptable’… What Should Nigel Farage’s New Party Be Called? You Decide… China Seeks Assurances Arrest of Huawei Executive Will Breach Her Human Rights… Mail Readers Swamp A&E Suffering Whiplash as Paper Switches Support to May’s Brexit Deal… Me and My Spoon, with Carole Middleton… Sarah Vine Meets Dame Joan Collins, as told to Craig Brown

Comic relief
Entire pages of cartoons NOT about Brexit!

Silence in church
Gagging orders and the C of E

Cobra rattled
Civil servants prepare for chaos from February

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22nd January 2019
Private Eye Issue 1484