"The Arsenal result tonight will have Man City rubbing their lips!"
CONOR COADY, Sky Sports

"We wait for the 32-rider field to hear the green light"
OLI BECKINGSALE, TNT Sports

"GB have won five of their four matches"
STEVE CRAM, BBC1

"...Whether you're talking about all the survivors of Brian Epstein..."
JUDE KELLY, Radio 4

"He's got it in buckets and spades – I mean buckets"
SCOTT HASTINGS, ITV

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.