Issue 1492
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "The government’s 1,477-page list of import tariffs that will apply should the UK crash out of the European Union at the end of the month is thought to be part of Theresa May’s campaign to scare the European Reform Group of Tory MPs into voting for her unloved withdrawal deal. No one yet knows if her strategy will work, but continued uncertainty about tariffs and Brexit is certainly affecting the mental health of many UK farmers...”
medicine balls
With M.D.: "No health service can afford the highest quality care for all its citizens, even if it claims to be universal. This truth was first observed by Nye Bevan in 1948: ‘We shall never have all we need. Expectations will always exceed capacity.’ In 1966, Enoch Powell expanded on this theme as health minister: ‘The vulgar assumption is that there is a definable amount of medical care “needed”, and if that “need” was met, no more would be demanded. This is absurd. Every advance in medical science creates new needs that did not exist until the means of meeting them came into existence…”
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "Hopes are rising that Midland mainline electrification will be reinstated, but transport secretary Chris Grayling’s ridiculous alternative plan hangs over the line like a sword of Damocles – and would have fallen by now had his department been less shambolic. The mainline (London St Pancras to Sheffield and Nottingham) missed out when privatisation scuppered British Rail’s electrification programme. Eventually ministers backed electrification but ordered too many schemes too quickly, ignoring the fact that Britain had lost a lot of expertise in the hiatus since east-coast mainline electrification in the 1980s…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "… Let’s take [BBC director-general] Tony ‘Wolf’ Hall at his word and look at MotherFatherSon, an eight-parter that is a very rare example of a pure-BBC product, with no indie or other external input. Inconveniently for an attempted showcase for what the corporation can do going solo, MotherFatherSon is a pale shadow of something HBO did last year: Succession, a ferociously sharp drama about the jockeying for power among the children of a Murdoch-like tycoon…
[review of MotherFatherSon (BBC2)].”
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "When Aussie ‘vampire kangaroo’ Macquarie Bank bought the Green Investment Group (GIG) from the government in 2017, five independent trustees were appointed to monitor its conduct. Would they, we asked in Eye 1457, hold Macquarie to the highest ‘green’ standards for GIG’s renewables projects, or opt for the easy life? Their first report, eventually published at the turn of last year, expresses disquiet. So at least they’ve avoided outright corporate capture. But what are they going to do about their misgivings?…”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "Talk of the cuts the BBC would have to make to foot the £475m bill to make TV licences free to the over-75s led to a recent leak to the Sunday Times that the first victim will the BBC Concert Orchestra. Its repertoire is largely the kind of light music no one but diehard Radio 2 listeners thinks fashionable any more. But after the Sunday Times piece appeared, the BBC went into hatch-battening denial mode, insisting no decision of any kind had been made…”
in the city
With Slicker: "Ecohouse Developments conman Anthony Armstrong Emery, who took more than 800 investors from the UK, Canada and the Far East for a £21m ride to Brazil, has been disqualified from being a director for 14 years – just one year short of the maximum ban. ‘The evidence against Mr Emery is overwhelming,’ declared Chief Insolvency & Companies Court Judge Briggs after a three-day hearing… He had ‘misled’ investors with marketing materials, which were ‘inaccurate, misleading and untrue’. ‘He was responsible for not just mispresenting the truth but for perpetuating the misrepresentations’…”
eye world
Postcard from Monrovia
From Our Own Correspondent:
"One of the four sons of Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, our Nobel prize-winning former president, looks set to face justice soon for his role in an outrageous banking fraud. This fearless assault on corruption and nepotism may impress some of our friends abroad, but we Liberians are less likely to be fooled…”
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Next issue on sale: 30th April 2019
Private Eye Issue 1492
In This Issue
New Superhero Captain Mayvel Routs Foes With Obstinacy and a Lack of Planning… Ministers and MPs Do the Silliest Things for Red Noes Day… Paedo Pan WAS a Paedo Shock – Nursery Times Exclusive… From Jarrow to Penguins, Nigel Farage’s Great Marches of History… Attorney-General Sets Dangerous Precedent Telling the Truth to MPs… Karl Ove Knausgaard on Edvard Munch, as told to Craig Brown

Bombs away
Raytheon avoids a grilling by MPs

Radio 4-play
Runners and riders for the top job

Eye Told You So
Post Office defeat on the Horizon

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30th April 2019
Private Eye Issue 1491