St Theresa

Sixth Form Fashion Soc
Issue 1444
theresa-cap.jpg There has been a lot of talk about caps and my exciting plans to cap the school’s electricity bill (NOT borrowed from supply teacher Mr Miliband, by the way).

Well, here’s another cap (NOT borrowed from assistant supply teacher Mr Corbyn), which is a fashion statement of what I believe in, ie the rights of all the workers in the school to minimum high pay, EU-approved employment conditions and, of course, low-cost housing, courtesy of the school.

I am passionately committed to the principle of serving the many rather than the few and that is why I have been wearing this rather fetching Comrade Cap made from 100% lenin and available from Marx & Sparts.

I am also announcing a totally original idea of a new bank holiday called “Mayday” on 1st May to celebrate the triumph of the world’s workers over the evil forces of capitalism.

And the school song will be changed from the previous Headmaster’s choice The Eton Boating Song to my own favourite which has always been The Red Shoes, with its wonderful final lines: “Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer, We’ll keep the red shoes walking here”

Mrs T May (Headmistress)

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In This Issue private eye
Private Eye Infected by Gnomeware… King Charles the Third Rate – A Sylvie Krin Special… ‘Too Close to Call’ – Election Sets Snoresbury Alight… Vote For Mrs Me, Says Prime Minister Theresa May and My Team… Captain Corbyn of Titanic to Stay on ‘Whatever Happens’… Me and My Spoon, with Diane Abbott… Ocean’s 11 Pints and Tight Club – Brad Pitt’s Films in Full… Trump Sacks Himself… Liz Jones on Princess Diana, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Election round-up: Tory housing hogwash, Corbyn left in the lurch & more!
- Slipping Standards: Editor Osborne and the BlackRock effect
- PR battle: Is the British Army still fit to fight an actual war?

For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.

Private Eye Issue 1443