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A Message From The Headmaster
Issue 1399
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Governor News
We are expecting some exciting new faces on the Board of Governors, including Ms Michelle Mone, who will be bringing her incredible assets to the table. Ms Mone is an experienced business-woman in the high-pressure world of lingerie and adept at giving support where it’s needed! (Careful, Finkster, D, sexism alert!) Good luck, Michelle, but a word of warning. If you find yourself in the stationery cupboard alone with Mr Johnson, you might find a stapler useful.

One face we won’t be seeing on the Board of Governors is that of Nick’s old friend Mr Laws. Mr Clegg was very keen that David should be accorded this honour, as he was a prominent member of Nick’s team back in the days when he had a team.

What Nick seems to have forgotten – and if any of the rest of you have forgotten, allow me to remind you – is that Mr Laws let himself and the school down very badly within days of his appointment to the staffroom, by making some outrageous claims (and I don’t mean the one about Nick being great at his job).

His creative use of the school expenses system unfortunately proved expensive for him and he paid a heavy price, which for once he couldn’t claim back. So, all in all, Mr Laws’ standard of conduct was simply not disgraceful enough for him to be a Governor. Only kidding! Mr Sewer is no longer with us! This decision to omit Mr Laws has clearly upset Mr Clegg, which obviously makes it all the sweeter.

D.C.

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Next issue on sale:
1st September 2015.
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Private Eye Issue 1399
private eye Only In The Magazine

10 Reasons Why Voting for Corbyn Will Lead to Civil War: Daily Mailograph Exclusive… It’s Brillo! The ‘Wedding of the Century’ Memorial Plate… Labour Demand Re-Run of General Election… Those Calais Songs of Praise Hymns They Didn’t Use… Santa Claus Handouts Probed by Accountants… A Level Gender Gap Widens as No Boy is Photographed Jumping for Joy

And also...

- Batman & Yentob: How neither got their stories straight in the Kids Company closure
- May day! Polls on why Labour lost the election still don’t tell the whole story
- PLUS: Fleeing Eritrea; a government gamble on super-fast gaming machines; and why the Corbyn tax figures don’t add up.
For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale: 1st September 2015.

Private Eye Issue 1398
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