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new coalition academy
A Message From The Headmaster
Issue 1371
dave.jpg Hello, girls!

And boys, obviously. But this has been a week of exciting changes in the staff room and in a radical change from my previous appointments policy I’ve promoted a number of staff to senior positions who are not Old Etonians. They can’t be – because they’re women! And I am really looking forward to learning all their names in due course – and not just when I want a cup of tea! Just joking of course, calm down, dears. The ladies in the staff room will obviously bring more than a cup of tea. Some biscuits would be nice. No, just kidding.

All of the women, from Ms Thingummy to Ms Whatshername, have been appointed entirely on ability, and not just their ability to look good in staff photographs and the school prospectus! Another joke, girls, you’ll have to get used to this kind of banter in the staff room! (Particularly as, for all the fuss about this, there’s only five of you.)

We’ll sort out the fine details of your appointments later, ie what subjects you’re going to teach and how you’re going to teach them.

Also, don’t worry about what you’ll be doing in the next academic year, because it’s all been planned out. And here’s a glimpse of what your busy schedule holds...

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Think you can handle that? So, time to roll up your sleeves – unless you’re wearing a sleeveless halterneck, Ms Oneonthetelly, or a swimsuit, Ms Otheroneonthetelly. Thanks to all the dads who’ve already asked for a new staff calendar, to hang alongside the SamCal 2014!

D.C.

To read more letters from the Headmaster (and of course, the Deputy Head), please buy the latest edition of Private Eye - or subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale:
5th August 2014.
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Private Eye Issue 1371
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- Telegraphic Details: Former hack convicted of rape and other sex offences.
- How Authors Relax: A one-upmanship summer special
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For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale: 5th August 2014.

Private Eye Issue 1370
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