Hello and Happy Birthday to me!
I do have to say that I have had better presents than the enormous fruitcake from Mr Farage’s stall, which was left in my study. Imagine my disappointment when out of the cake jumped not a fruity lady but a nut, in the shape of Mr Carswell. He leapt out of the cake shouting “No surprise!”, which he and Mr Farage seemed to find very funny, but which I thought was frankly puerile.
You will remember that Mr Carswell resigned from the staff a few weeks ago and I was hoping never to see him again. However, it seems the teaching post left vacant by Mr Carswell has been filled by none other than Mr Carswell.
My own preferred candidate, Giles Watling (subs, please check), who was such a hit thirty years ago in the school production of Inbred (about amusing Liverpudlian Scouse people oop in t’North), failed in his final interview and Mr Carswell returned by popular demand, to take charge of the Lower Middle Class. Under normal circumstances I would welcome a new member of staff to the Common Room, but since Mr Carswell is neither new nor welcome, all I can say is, “If you want to smoke with Mr Farage, you’ll have to go outside to his stall”.