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headmasters message A Message From The Headmaster
Issue 1421
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Yes, it’s here at last. It feels like only yesterday that I announced this debate on the motion: This House believes that the Headmaster is right about everything and to those cleverdicks who are pointing out that I wasn’t right to call the debate in the first place, well, er, erm, I don’t regret it for one second.

Anyway... where was I? The important thing is that I haven’t lost the debate yet, not that I’m going to and this newsletter is my last chance to lay out the options in a rational and sensible fashion, so that you are properly equipped to make the right choice and NOT MAKE A BLOODY FOOL OF YOURSELF!

Reasons for supporting the Headmaster
1. The Headmaster is always right
2. The Headmaster is never wrong
3. You don’t want Mr Johnson as Headmaster
4. Or Mr Gove
5. I’m not even going to mention Mr Farage
6. The Headmaster never resorts to scaremongering
7. And if you don’t vote for him, the school will close down
8. And be burnt to the ground by crazed flesh-eating zombies
9. And everyone will starve to death
10. Apart from the zombies
11. Obviously
12. And lo, I say unto you that giant rats will roam the school grounds, spreading bubonic plague
13. And put additional strain on the Sanatorium
14. The Headmaster would never make a list of 13 things, as that would be bad luck.

Reasons for not supporting the Headmaster
1. There are no reasons for not supporting the Headmaster…

D.C.

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In This Issue private eye

‘Once in a Lifetime Chance to Settle Nothing’ Say All Sides… Anger as Football Disrupts Violence at Euro 2016… ‘Oh yus! Oh yus!’ – Cameron Channels Churchill… Clement Freud Talks for Just a Minute on Celebrity Paedos – Radio 4 Extra… Country Unites in Hating Nigel Farage for ‘Breaking Point’ Poster… Mr Greedy Faces Select Committee… Lord Donoughue’s Westminster Diary, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- EU bias: TV news and why obsessive ‘impartiality’ is plain daft
- 2016 And All That: History Special on Britain’s relations with Europe.
- PLUS: How cartoonists see D-Day; the Greens of Monaco; & more!

For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.

Private Eye Issue 1420