The Reverend Oilwellby will not be compelled to perform these ceremonies and it doesn’t reflect badly on him if he wants to be seen as a reactionary old bore with a holier-than-thou attitude, rather than a progressive visionary like the Headmaster.

What he needs to understand is that not only does this reform bring the Academy into the 21st Century (or back to the Ancient Greeks – you decide!), but also, and most importantly, it annoys Mr Farage and his band of swivel-eyed friends.

D.C.

Nation Celebrates 60 Years of Dimbleby Dynasty… Lord Lobby of Sleaze Admits: ‘I’d do anything for money’… Tsar Tsar Appointed to Oversee Double-standards Tsar… Me and My Spoon, with Rhys Ifans… Guardian Latest: Katz to Leave Sinking Ship… Sally Bercow Names Top Tory in Sex Scandal… Lord Leveson Fact-Checking with Carine Patry Hoskins… Ann Widdecombe’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Arise, Sir Amyas: The auditors who want a knighthood for their beleaguered boss
- Fracking hell: Ministers take a light touch approach to a possible shale gas bonanza
- Blood money: Why the coalition’s next privatisation may make taxpayers see red
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Next issue on sale: 25th June 2013.