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Columnists
Issue 1381
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "The normally quiet world of the Soil Association (SA), which certifies four-fifths of Britain’s organic food, has been rocked by the resignation of four of its 17 trustees. They say it has ‘abandoned its organic focus’ to reach a wider audience. Since the recession times have been tough for the organic movement with sales of organic food falling by 13 percent in 2009, 5.9 percent in 2010, 3.7 percent in 2011 and with further falls since…”
medicine balls
With M.D.: "When MD debated the Health and Social Care Act with its creator, Andrew Lansley, on BBC1’s Question Time three years ago, my main concern was its focus on competition (86 mentions) over collaboration (0)… Competition and choice require spare capacity which the NHS was never going to be able to provide with an ageing population and a £30bn black hole in its finances; and it’s not easy to shop around and travel for treatment when you’re ill… How strange that the Five Year Forward Plan written by NHS England boss Simon Stevens last month doesn’t mention the word competition once…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "In the early years of reality TV, there were instances of competitors agreeing to appear without having taken the precaution of watching the show. Current participants, however, do due diligence before going in. ‘I thought you’d be a bunch of arseholes,’ admitted Carl ‘Foggy’ Fogarty to his fellow rainforest detainees on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, before, on Sunday night, adding ITV’s ‘King of the Jungle’ crown to his four World Superbike Championship victories. Typically of the tone of this 14th run of the franchise, though, Foggy admitted that he had been completely wrong. He had ‘loved every minute’ and ‘made new friends’. With the broadcaster having faced much criticism for cruelty to both mentally fragile C-listers and Australian wildlife, every effort seemed to have been taken to make this an Ofcom-friendly series…
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "The collapsing price of oil spells trouble for producer-nations from Saudi Arabia to Russia to, er, Scotland. But it highlights too the contradictions in UK energy policy and profoundly undermines government rhetoric on the cost of “green” energy…”
nooks and corners
With Piloti: "Set back from Kensington High Street, the Odeon Cinema is a splendid thing. Built in 1926, its grand and elegantly ornamented facade of ceramic, black granite and bronze is sort of Classical-cum-Deco, with a dramatic rectangular central recess and twin staircase towers rising behind… This Odeon has been in danger since 2007 when planning consent was given to build a block of flats behind the facade. Now there is a new application. The developer, Minerva (Abingdons) Ltd, has acquired the adjacent former Post Office delivery office and Whitlock House, an office building, and hopes to develop a much bigger site with 63 residential units and ‘cinema facilities’…”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "When foul-mouthed David Mellor made his pseudo-apology for insulting a taxi driver, he suggested to listeners to his LBC radio show that it was a one-off lapse after too much alcohol at lunch. But as anyone in the music world who has dealt with Mellor can tell you, devastating rudeness is default mode for the former Tory culture secretary…”
books and bookmen
With Bookworm: " ‘Amy-Beth Ellice is only 17 but she already has her own cookbook,’ enthused the Daily Express on 26 November over a gushing interview with the teen prodigy, whose Amy’s Baking Year, published by John Blake, carries a cover-quote from the same paper: ‘Amy Ellice has taken the baking world by storm.’ And indeed she has – albeit a very localised storm…”
in the city
With Slicker: "The successful institutional shareholder revolt over oil and gas outfit BG Group’s (now trimmed) plan to pay new chief executive Helge Lund £25m to transfer from Norwegian rival Statoil provides an interesting comparison for boardroom greed – where Britain leads Europe…”
road rage
With Hedgehog: "A little-noticed Commons disclosure to Lib Dem MP Julian Huppert last month revealed that the government expects trips per person by car drivers to rise rapidly in Great Britain, from 448 a year on average next year to 465 in 2020 and 507 in 2040. To achieve enough growth in car traffic to appease the road and oil lobbies, the government expects trips per person by every other type of transport to fall. That would be laughable if the forecasts were meant to acknowledge recent trends…”
Letter from Mexico
From Our Own Correspondent: "
Even in a country as accustomed to violence and killings as Mexico, the disappearance and probable murder in September of 43 student teachers in the south-west state of Guerrero has caused revulsion and led to mass protests across the country. The students from the Ayotzinapa Teacher Training College were in buses they had commandeered as a protest in the city of Iguala, when they were allegedly intercepted by local police, handed to the powerful local Guerreros Unidos (Warriors United) drugs gang and killed…”
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Next issue on sale:
23rd December 2014.
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Private Eye Issue 1381
private eye Only In The Magazine

Osborne ‘on target to borrow all the Labour policies he needs to win election’… Pub asks Nigel Farage to ‘cover himself up in public with a napkin’… Alex Salmond ‘won’t rule out coalition with himself’… The Picture of Dorian Blair… Tonight on TV: That Mitchell and Pleb Look… Deluded Kim Karkashi Un in US Cyber Attack… Valerie Trierweiler’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Osborne & Little: What the chancellor didn’t say in his Autumn Statement
- Offshore oddity: The NatWest branches with freeholds owned in… sunny Gibraltar!
- Sparts at war: ‘Blackleg’ on the bitter row splitting Mark Serwotka’s PCS union
For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale: 23rd December 2014.

Private Eye Issue 1380
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