|
|
|
|
| Columnists |
| Issue 1340 |
|
|
|
|
 |
| With New Bio-Waste Spreader: "How much sympathy some of the farmers engulfed by flood waters [on the Somerset Levels and Moors] deserve is open to question… given that a large proportion are signed up to some very generously taxpayer-funded ‘agri environment’ agreements run by Natural England. These pay farmers to manage their land for wildlife bio-diversity with a big emphasis on keeping their farms ‘wet’… farmers can choose management options which include ‘wet permanent grassland’ and ‘permanent grassland raised water levels areas’ with payments often running to £180 per acre annually…” |
|
|
|
 |
| With M.D.: "…If death and harm have occurred in the 111 cock-up, who should the Francis recommendations criminalise… And whose version of the truth should patients and relatives accept? Francis rightly observed that there needs to be a relentless focus on the patients’ interests and the obligations to keep patients safe and protected from substandard care, but no senior manager or politician was held accountable for Mid Staffs. It remains to be seen whether the proposed criminalisation of appalling care in the NHS reaches all the way to the centre. Don’t hold your breath...”
|
|
|
|
 |
| With Dr B. Ching: "Consultants, rejoice! The Department for Transport’s gravy train is ready to roll again as the rail-franchising process resumes. In 2010, the public accounts committee wondered aloud why the Department for Transport (DafT) spent £70 on consultants for every £100 it spent on its own staff… DafT reduced its workforce by 8 percent in 2011-12, compared with March 2010, and cut its non-payroll staff (consultants, contractors, etc) by more than 70 percent. Alas, DafT didn’t trim its workload to match its reduced capacity but continued to experiment with rail franchising’s mind-boggling complexities. The west-coast franchise was aborted last autumn because DafT was under-equipped for the task it had invented for itself. The costs of that debacle wiped out whatever DafT saved by cutting staff…” |
|
|
|
 |
With Remote Controller: "This was a typical contemporary BBC rock-doc, featuring the usual roster of reshufflable pundits talking to each other while wearing parkas. On this occasion it was BBC reporter Tim Samuels – who, aged 13, interviewed Morrissey for his school newspaper – chatting to Stuart Maconie and Simon Armitage. But you know that, on another day, it may be Maconie or Armitage as frontman and the other two as pundits…
[Review of ‘Not Like Any Other Love’: The Smiths; Madman across the Water: The Making of Elton John; and Wings over the World (all BBC)]. |
|
|
|
 |
| With Old Sparky: "Senior civil servants behind the government’s Energy Bill are jumping ship as the design flaws in its ‘electricity market reform’ plan (EMR) become all too painfully clear. And while many vested interests make light of the problems in order to enjoy the cash bonanza it heralds, others are starting to point out that the EMR is a boat that will not float…” |
|
|
|
 |
| With Piloti: "[Battersea] power station has always been the focus of successive plans to develop the surrounding derelict land, but in the masterplan by Rafael Viñoly followed by the present Malaysian owners of the site, the listed building almost disappears behind walls of new apartment blocks – one of which will block the thrilling view of the structure from the railway out of Victoria. These owners, who bought the site off the previous Irish developers in 2012, insist restoration of the power station is the first priority – but can they be believed?…” |
|
|
|
 |
| With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "Allegations of sexual abuse in Britain’s specialist music schools continue to flood in, the latest news being that 39 teachers involved at some point with Chetham’s and/or the Royal Northern College in Manchester are now the subject of police inquiries. As O’Boulez has noted (see Eyes 1335 & 1339), managers at Chetham’s still appear to be in denial about the gravity of the situation…” |
|
|
|
 |
| With Bookworm: "Ayn Rand-like slogans (‘THINK the unthinkable. SAY the unsayable. DO the undoable’) appear on t-shirts available to buy on the website of Britain’s newest publisher, http://embooks.com, aka Melanie Phillips Unbound. They express the ebook outfit’s self-image as a zone of intellectual adventuring and free speech, a refuge for sayers of the unsayable… [But] a glance at the website reveals a bizarre disparity between boasts and books, as no one would view a guide to raising teenage girls, banal musings on Will, Kate and royal parenting, or Mel P’s autobiography (stunningly alleging that the Guardian in her time there was full of lefties) as saying the unsayable…” |
|
|
|
 |
| With Slicker: "Back in 1984, Private Eye successfully took on the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act in the cause of exposing serial fraudster Alex ‘Fat Man’ Herbage and protecting investors… However, the law appears to be alive and well – as witness the case of Yorkshire property developer Philip Akrill and the Serious Farce Office…” |
|
|
|
|
Letter from Dar es Salaam
From Our Own Correspondent: "The decision to appoint Andrew Chenge MP as chairman of Tanzania’s newly established parliamentary budget committee proves that all sinners can hope for forgiveness. The rehabilitation of our most controversial power broker – known for his unexplained wealth all the way from his rural Bariadi East constituency to your own Serious Fraud Office in London – comes at a critical time for our impoverished land. With billions of dollars to be invested in offshore exploration and gas processing facilities in coming years, and a critical election due in 2015, Chenge’s deal-making skills and fundraising nous will be critical to Tanzania’s ruling CCM party holding on to, and milking, power…” |
|
|
|
|
To read all these columnists and more in full, you can buy the latest edition of Private Eye - or subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale:
28th May 2013. |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
| |
Only In The Magazine
Melanie Phillips Sat-Nav: No Left Turns… Everyone Who Appeared on TV in the 70s Arrested… Nutty Fruitcake: Jamie Oliver’s Recipe of the Day… The Official Fergie Memorial Plate… Actress Wins Bafta for Harrowing Role as Actress Winning Bafta for Harrowing Role… David Bowie Shocks World With Inoffensive Offensive Video… Dr David Starkey’s A-Z of Everything That’s Wrong With This Country Of Ours, as told to Craig Brown
And also...
- Brass plates, brass neck: Six-page special on how UK ghost companies made Britain the capital of global corporate crime
- Nuts in May: More cartoons, more jokes, more journalism in a bumper 48-page issue
For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale: 28th May 2013. |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
