St Theresa

The Headmistress Writes
Issue 1487
st theresa.jpg Good afternoon,

And may I start by wishing you a very happy if not necessarily prosperous New Year.

And for those of you who don’t like the prospect of what may be happening in 2019, well, I’m afraid there’s no other year available. It’s my year or no year. And may I assure you that I have been extremely busy over the Christmas holiday phoning all my counterparts in the European Education Union, to move things on and to reach a compromise over the terms of our increasingly imminent exit.

I am delighted to say that I had a very good response. My first call was to Mrs Merkel, who greeted me warmly with the words, “Mrs Merkel is out of the office until January 3rd, so please leave a message after the tone”, which I think you’ll agree is progress indeed…

TM

LATE NEWS

Mr Grayling has just announced that the School Christmas tree has arrived. “It’s a bit behind schedule,” he said, “and it’s very expensive... oh, and the lights don’t work... but apart from that, it’s a huge success.” He added: “There’s no Christmas fairy on top yet because the firm I paid £13.8m unfortunately doesn’t have any fairies.”

TM

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Private Eye Issue 1487
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Cumberbatch Brexit Drama Divides Nation… Trump Shuts Down Brain Indefinitely… Loch Ness Monster ‘Throws Doubt on Gatwick Drone’… Labour Urges Voters to Reject Empty Tory Pledges on Brexit and Embrace Far Left Fantasies Instead… Desperate Britons Cross English Channel Seeking Better Life in France… Man Who Talks Nonsense Accuses PM of Talking Nonsense – Daily Borisgraph Exclusive… Melanie Phillips’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

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Slicker’s Gnome Business Awards for 2018

Magic Circle
Allen & Overy cloud has a silver lining

Surveillance state
Dr Grim on Big Brother Xi

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Private Eye Issue 1486