St Theresa

Message from Birmingham (up North!)
Issue 1480
st theresa.jpg I’m writing a quick message from the midst of the staff-bonding weekend in Birmingham. Everyone is busily bonding (not “bonking”, Mr Johnson, please note) and they are all united in their belief that I shouldn’t be replaced as Headmistress, this week, at least.

This display of togetherness in the staffroom is very encouraging. Less encouraging is the way everyone has bonded in agreeing that they don’t like my plan to leave the European Education Union.

Well, I don’t like it much either, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen! Anyway, by the time you read this, you will have seen my big speech in the Jasper Carrott suite of the Premier Inn, which explains why my plan is the best plan on offer. There isn’t another one. Plan B means Plan Boris and that isn’t going to happen.

No, everyone’s talking about what I’m going to say and they’re certainly not talking about Boris who’s planning to upstage me with an address of his own. Though he doesn’t actually have an address of his own now that his wife’s kicked him out and changed the locks! No offence. Thanks to whoever organised the Country & Western band who played at the evening disco – apparently they were called “Chuck Chequers and His Backstop Wranglers”. Great fun!

Mrs T May (Headmistress)

PS. Top Conference Joke...
Q:
Why is Birmingham the perfect place to discuss Brexit?
A: It’s a nightmare to negotiate.

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Private Eye Issue 1479