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Issue 1621

Ben Shephard: Which biblical character danced the Dance of the Seven Veils? Contestant: Jesus.
Shephard: How many sides does an isosceles triangle have?
Contestant: Five.

Alexander Armstrong: "The F... Seasons" by Vivaldi?
Contestant: Five.

Matt Rogers: If it's your birthday today, 8 March, your star sign is a fish. Name that star sign.
Caller: Tuna.

gnitty
Please email your entries to dumb@private-eye.co.uk

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ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE

In This Issue

Top Tory in ‘moneytrap' sting… Humza Plotter and the Half Baked Crime Bill… MP in second home shock… Nurseryland honeytrap sting warning… Benjamin Netanyahu's guide to surgeons attempting to remove his hernia… Britain ‘prepared to do nothing'… Are there enough senior royal reporters to go round?… A new short story by Clara Sill, Britain's top romantasy novelist… A Very Royal Scoop Scandal, the untold story… Vital issues of our day (1): the Garrick Club, as told to Craig Brown.

Russia Watch
The fallout from last month's Moscow terror attack

Where's Boris?
GB News is missing its star signing

Jackwatch
The latest flag tweak to attract tabloid fury

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