Issue 1481
commentatorballs “They were too good to win this game tonight”
MARTIN KEOWN
BT Sport

“If we can score more points than we concede, we’ve got a chance of winning"
DAI YOUNG
BT Sport

“Nick Simper... survived the 1966 car crash that killed him”
MARC RILEY
BBC6 Music

“That’s up there in the sort of top 90 percent of flavours in my life”
JAMIE OLIVER
Channel 4

“Allison came out and made himself as big as a starfish”
SAM MATTERFACE
Talksport

gnitty
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Next issue on sale: 30th October 2018
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Private Eye Issue 1481 In This Issue
‘EU Treating Us With Contempt’, Says Man Who Treats Everyone With Contempt – Daily Borisgraph Exclusive… End of Austerity Marked Across Britain By No Celebration As Everyone Is Broke… May Appoints First Ever Minister for Political Suicide… Saudis Launch New Press Standards Campaign, Hacked-Up… Facebook’s UK Tax Bill Rises From Sweet FA to Bugger All… Why Aren’t My Children Drinking As Much As Me, by A Pissedoldhack… Eric Idle’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

Jail him!
Now it’s the People vs Boris Johnson

Desert rats
Saudi stooges and the Street of Shame

Drivel in excelsis
That royal coverage in full
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Private Eye Issue 1480