Columnists
Issue 1471
agri brigade
With Slicker: "If Britain wanted to ban Abramovich, who has family and homes here, it could end 15 years of conveniently overlooking his long-standing closeness to Putin and his agendas, as well as the questionable origins of his £9bn fortune. Even before Putin came to power in 2000, Abramovich had become known as “the Cashier” in Moscow – to “the Family”, the circle around failing president Boris Yeltsin…”
medicine balls
With M.D.: "There are plenty of organizations – the pension industry and care homes among them – who charge different rates for the same service or product, simply on the basis that they can get away with it due to the customers’ age, gender, cognitive ability, wealth or relative social isolation…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "While UK networks will be most concerned about the resemblance of Safe and Innocent to each other, the problem for viewers is that both of them are so reminiscent of so much other television. Innocent is created by Chris Lang, whose previous shows include the cold case thriller Unforgiven, which was itself created to fill the gaps between series of Broadchurch. The domestic suspense drama has become such a standby of the ITV schedules that Innocent is a sixth or seventh Xerox of a Xerox, before Safe photocopies that…”
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "However, no clarity is possible without details of the Welsh government’s reported offer to subsidise the project with cheap finance. Shorrock wasn’t giving details; but since it could be any amount Welsh ministers care to stump up, there’s no saying what electricity price bung he’ll want to top up their largesse…”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "The National Lottery, run by Camelot, slashed its returns to arts bodies by £55m in 2016/17 after a slump in ticket sales that continues. In Wales, the regional Loteri Cymru has just gone into administration only 11 months after it began. This will have terminal consequences for the charity Hanfod Cymru, which distributed Loteri income to the arts but has said it too will close…”
in the city
With Slicker: "If Britain wanted to ban Abramovich, who has family and homes here, it could end 15 years of conveniently overlooking his long-standing closeness to Putin and his agendas, as well as the questionable origins of his £9bn fortune. Even before Putin came to power in 2000, Abramovich had become known as “the Cashier” in Moscow – to “the Family”, the circle around failing president Boris Yeltsin…”
eye world
Letter from Yerevan
From Our Own Correspondent: "
The trigger for the revolution was typically post-Soviet. Serzh Sargsyan, out long-time strongman, had finished his two terms as president and was seeking to “do a Putin” by switching to prime minister, recalling the Russian maneuvere in 2008. He’d tailored the constitution to hand the PM more power, and even upgraded the prime ministerial lodgings and sold off the old presidential palace. No stranger to protests (ten demonstrators were killed when he first became president in 2008), Sargsyan was confident he and his Republican Party of Armenia could weather any storm…”
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gnitty
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Boris in hoax call shock…Nursery Times: End of the line for the Fat Controller… Visa crisis hits Windfall Generation... What will happen now that Meghan has changed Britain forever... Homebase crazy sale continues!… The Chelsea Flower Show, as told to Craig Brown

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- Royal Wedding Balls: In sickness and in health
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Theatres and canals present a banquet of bollocks.

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Private Eye Issue 1470