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Jesus Christ! It’s the Gnome Christmas Giftmart...
Read by Lewis Macleod
Private Eye Issue 1304
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:25 mins
An Evening With Private Eye
Video - 59:59
Private Eye: A Cartoon History
Video - 00:30
Private Eye Investigates
Video - 07:17
Vodafone’s Swiss Swizz
Video - 08:39
Watching Ink Dry
Audio - 07:45
Inside Private Eye
Slideshow - 03:49
Election coverage
Audio - 06:01
Ian Hislop on Radio 4
Audio - 27:37
It’s all in your Currant Bung…
Audio - 01:08
Eyeplayer Archives
From The Daily Chain Mail…
10th February 2012
Audio - 01:25
Tweedle Brothers Latest…
10th February 2012
Audio - 00:59
Rolling Drivel 24 Hours A Day…
10th February 2012
Audio - 00:55
A Special Offer To Eye Readers…
10th February 2012
Audio - 00:45
Will It Be Och Aye Or The Noo?
10th February 2012
Audio - 00:43
Why Boris Island Is A Corker!
25th January 2012
Audio - 01:30
Rats Make Shock Claim…
25th January 2012
Audio - 01:00
The Iron Laddy And Bore Horse Reviewed
25th January 2012
Audio - 02:23
Woof! Woof! Celebrity Interview Special
25th January 2012
Audio - 02:03
He’s Got His Readers Rattled!
25th January 2012
Audio - 01:15
Non-stop Drivel, 24/7…
25th January 2012
Audio - 00:48
Cut-price Honours For Sale!
10th January 2012
Audio - 01:07
The Rev Blair Counts His Blessings (but Not His Earnings)
10th January 2012
Audio - 00:56
A Hotbed Of Gun-toting Religious Extremists…
10th January 2012
Audio - 00:29
Charles Moore On The Collapse Of The Euro…
10th January 2012
Audio - 01:17
Wendi And Lupert On Twitter…
10th January 2012
Audio - 03:08
Rolling Satire 24 Hours A Day…
10th January 2012
Audio - 00:39
Why Are You Feeling My Breasts?
10th January 2012
Audio - 00:41
Get An Arse Like Kate’s Sister’s...
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:34
Smoke And Feel Sporty Too!
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:40
This Year’s Must-have Toy...
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:32
Jesus Christ! It’s The Gnome Christmas Giftmart...
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:25
See Yourself On TV!
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:34
Break The Speed Limit With The Lib Dems!
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:26
Relive The Magic Of Arthurian Legend...
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:36
Not Suitable For Vegetarians
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:28
Rolling Satire 24 Hours A Day…
23rd December 2011
Audio - 00:42
Message From Mr Clegg, Deputy Head
9th December 2011
Audio - 02:35
The Page You Can Read 24 Hours A Day
9th December 2011
Audio - 00:42
George ‘heavily Indebted’ To Gordon
9th December 2011
Audio - 00:38
Why Leveson Makes Me Livid…
9th December 2011
Audio - 01:14
A Bad Case Of Gas-guzzling…
22nd November 2011
Audio - 00:55
Cripes! The Streets Are Paved With Women…
22nd November 2011
Audio - 01:40
UK ‘cancelled’ Due To Wrong Type Of Deal…
22nd November 2011
Audio - 00:58
Rolling Drivel, 24 Hours A Day…
22nd November 2011
Audio - 00:45
Why We Need Trident Subs In The Thames…
22nd November 2011
Audio - 00:56
The Don Sings Nessun Reforma…
22nd November 2011
Audio - 01:15
Why The Duke Is A Complete Waste Of Money
22nd November 2011
Audio - 00:25
Let Us Bray…
28th October 2011
Audio - 02:30
Gruesome Images From The Circulation War
28th October 2011
Audio - 01:00
Execution Guidelines At Point Blank Rangel
28th October 2011
Audio - 00:38
That Legova-Halfcock Trial In Full…
28th October 2011
Audio - 01:10
Werritty, Oh Werritty…
28th October 2011
Audio - 01:26
Why MPs Need To Be Whipped…
28th October 2011
Audio - 00:47
‘Cameron Silent On Westlife Split – More Soon’
28th October 2011
Audio - 00:44
Latest From Strictly Come Off It!
14th October 2011
Audio - 00:56
Heather Who?
14th October 2011
Audio - 00:47
You Read It In The Daily Mail
14th October 2011
Audio - 01:06
Those Corporation Cuts In Full
14th October 2011
Audio - 00:50
Why We Need A Leader Who Appeals To Women
14th October 2011
Audio - 01:10
Just Stop Pussy-footing Around
14th October 2011
Audio - 01:01
‘Recession Could Trigger A Recession’
14th October 2011
Audio - 01:39
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
30th September 2011
Audio - 01:45
Bunga-bunga With Borisconi
30th September 2011
Audio - 01:22
The Traveller’s Tale That Just Won’t Budge
30th September 2011
Audio - 00:52
On The Barricades At Dale Farm
30th September 2011
Audio - 01:11
‘I’m Booked!’ Says Top Cop
30th September 2011
Audio - 01:22
‘It’s A Disaster,’ Says Rupert Murdoch
30th September 2011
Audio - 00:48
Debate Live With Indy Owner Lebedev
30th September 2011
Audio - 01:07
Tony Blair IS George Very-Smiley
16th September 2011
Audio - 00:51
Time Allowed, 2 Hours
16th September 2011
Audio - 00:32
Gove Term Begins Today
16th September 2011
Audio - 01:11
Why I Won’t Be Watching Strictly Come Dancing
16th September 2011
Audio - 01:20
Godfather Tony At The Murdoch Baptism
16th September 2011
Audio - 01:50
Inspector Barnaby & The Chipping Norton Set
16th September 2011
Audio - 00:49
Rolling Drivel, 24 Hours A Day
16th September 2011
Audio - 00:54
Live Now To Tripoli...
7th September 2011
Audio - 03:12
Fruity Girls Head For Mail Via Clearing
7th September 2011
Audio - 01:28
Discipline Begins In The Nursery
7th September 2011
Audio - 01:03
Performed By The NY Met Police, Er, Opera
7th September 2011
Audio - 00:51
Regime Totters, Says Tunis Times
20th August 2011
Audio - 00:30
Top Figures (and Prezza) Speak Out
20th August 2011
Audio - 02:24
Rupert Murdoch Faces A Hostile Board
20th August 2011
Audio - 03:23
Vote Bozza, Friend Of The Rozzer
20th August 2011
Audio - 01:23
Dave Spart Fans The Flames
20th August 2011
Audio - 01:20
Top Cops Slam MPs' Tactics
20th August 2011
Audio - 01:09
A Message From The Dirty Digger
22nd July 2011
Audio - 00:53
Another Message From The Dirty Digger
22nd July 2011
Audio - 00:53
168 Years Of Filth
22nd July 2011
Audio - 01:21
Dame Sylvie Krin On Lupert And Wendi
22nd July 2011
Audio - 02:00
Bozza On Those Rotten Rozzers
22nd July 2011
Audio - 01:10
Harry Potter And The Cash Cow Of Doom
22nd July 2011
Audio - 00:45
Baby Beckham’s Stupid Bloody Name
22nd July 2011
Audio - 00:47
More From Our Olympic Staff, Phil Corporate-Box
8th July 2011
Audio - 01:16
Beware Geeks Boring Gits
8th July 2011
Audio - 00:48
Meddling Latest From Clarence House
8th July 2011
Audio - 01:45
The Man On The Clapham Omnibuggy
8th July 2011
Audio - 01:12
Exclusive! The Labour Leader Talks To The Eye
8th July 2011
Audio - 01:40
London Mayor Gets The PM All Steamed Up
8th July 2011
Audio - 00:54
Health Secretary Andrew Lansley At The Terminal Stage
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:52
Your TV Tonight
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:52
Fred The Shred Falls In Love With (name Withheld)
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:44
Rolling Drivel, 24 Hours A Day
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:33
Latest News From The General Synod
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:54
Tories Abandon Weekly Rubbish Policy
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:35
Real Commentators, Real Comments, Real Balls
24th June 2011
Audio - 01:05
That Get The F*** To Sleep Book
24th June 2011
Audio - 01:14
Eye Exclusive By Sir William Rees-McGonagall
24th June 2011
Audio - 02:10
Listen With BoJo, The Mayor Of London
24th June 2011
Audio - 00:57
Will Killer Cucumbers Cause House Price Collapse?
10th June 2011
Audio - 01:09
A Message From Lord Gnome
10th June 2011
Audio - 01:13
It’s A Fifa-all!
10th June 2011
Audio - 01:36
Why The London Mayor Is For The High Jump
10th June 2011
Audio - 00:31
Rolling Satire… More Soon
10th June 2011
Audio - 00:36
Clever-clogs Toddlers Make Me Puke
10th June 2011
Audio - 01:10
New Outrage Over The ‘N’ Word
10th June 2011
Audio - 00:47
The Latest From Hay-on-Wye-oh-Why
10th June 2011
Audio - 00:48
School Notices From Deputy Head Mr Clegg
10th June 2011
Audio - 01:47
Rolling Satire, 24 Hours A Day
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:49
That Obama State Procession In Full
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:58
Working Towards A Future In Downing Street
26th May 2011
Audio - 01:41
MP Comes Out As A Criminal
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:52
Mary Portas, Woman Off The Telly
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:38
Mystery Dwarf Named On Twitter
26th May 2011
Audio - 01:02
Paternity Leave Makes Me Really, Really Angry
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:59
Why Lady Gaga Should Shut It
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:48
The Government’s Promise To Our Boys
26th May 2011
Audio - 00:43
Obama, Bush, Boris And Al Fugger Speak
16th May 2011
Audio - 01:30
Superinjuncted Public Figure ‘XMC’ Talks To The Eye
16th May 2011
Audio - 00:52
William Rees-McGonagall’s New Poem – An Eye Exclusive!
16th May 2011
Audio - 01:32
Saluting The Cream Of British Journalism...
14th April 2011
Audio - 00:44
Celeb You've Never Heard Of Hits Out
14th April 2011
Audio - 00:38
The Alternative Vote Made Simple...
14th April 2011
Audio - 01:18
There's Nothing Wrong With Being Monitored...
14th April 2011
Audio - 01:07
The Best In Middle Of The Road Music
14th April 2011
Audio - 00:37
Exclusive To All Papers!
14th April 2011
Audio - 01:03
From Our Man In The Toyota Pick-up...
14th April 2011
Audio - 01:03
Sir Herbert Gussett On Britain's African Legacy
14th April 2011
Audio - 02:02
Careers Advice From The Deputy Head, Mr Clegg
14th April 2011
Audio - 01:02
Money Lovers’ Guide With Tony & Cherie
31st March 2011
Audio - 00:44
Dave Spart Marches Against The Cuts
31st March 2011
Audio - 01:21
Taking A Nap With Kenneth Clarke
31st March 2011
Audio - 01:13
Sir Herbert Gussett Takes Tea At Fortnum’s
31st March 2011
Audio - 01:22
Coalition Vows To ‘Carry On For Ever’
31st March 2011
Audio - 01:01
Those Miserable Scandinavian Detectives In Full…
31st March 2011
Audio - 01:27
Dave Finds A Use For The Lib Dems
31st March 2011
Audio - 00:28
Stop Hounding William Hague…
17th March 2011
Audio - 00:46
May Cause Dreariness…
17th March 2011
Audio - 00:39
Let’s Invade Libya
17th March 2011
Audio - 00:34
Royal Wedding Coverage Latest
17th March 2011
Audio - 01:06
Possible Outbreaks Of Anti-semitism…
17th March 2011
Audio - 00:28
Live From The Count…
17th March 2011
Audio - 00:44
Tweedledum Snubs Tweedledee
17th March 2011
Audio - 01:24
Should Stephen Fry Be Grounded?
17th March 2011
Audio - 00:37
Gaddafi’s Message To Mr Blair
4th March 2011
Audio - 01:37
First Night Review
4th March 2011
Audio - 01:20
Ballyshambles South
4th March 2011
Audio - 00:39
Shock New Health Warning
4th March 2011
Audio - 01:01
Real Questions, Real Answers, Real Stupid
4th March 2011
Audio - 00:52
The Big Debate With Mr Clegg, Deputy Head
4th March 2011
Audio - 01:02
Real Comments, Real Commentators, Real Balls
4th March 2011
Audio - 01:04
A Note To University Applicants From Mr Clegg, Deputy Head
18th February 2011
Audio - 00:56
Cameron Calls For Integration
18th February 2011
Audio - 00:30
Contacting Your GP
18th February 2011
Audio - 00:30
Sir Herbert Gussett Writes...
18th February 2011
Audio - 01:41
Real Questions, Real Answers, Really Dumb
18th February 2011
Audio - 00:49
Radio 3 Presents...
18th February 2011
Audio - 00:50
MPs' Expenses
14th December 2009
Video - 02:21
Dumb Britain
14th December 2009
Video - 02:50
Gordon Brown, Supreme Leader
14th December 2009
Video - 02:39
Baptism, Marriage & Funeral Service
14th December 2009
Video - 03:00
Me And My Spoon: Kate Winslet
14th December 2009
Video - 01:57
Nigella's Christmas Turkey
14th December 2009
Video - 03:41
Pinter's Christmas Carols
14th December 2009
Video - 03:39
Dave's Eton Voting Song
14th December 2009
Video - 03:00
Footie Would Have Been Proud
2nd November 2009
Video - 06:46
The Shortlist Citations
2nd November 2009
Video - 07:59
And The Winner Is...
2nd November 2009
Video - 03:36
Private Eye At The National
1st December 2008
Video - 00:34
Beat The Credit Crunch
1st December 2008
Video - 01:48
Boris And The Bankers
1st December 2008
Video - 01:40
Prime Ministerial Decree
1st December 2008
Video - 03:05
Dumb Britain I
1st December 2008
Video - 03:06
Colemanballs
1st December 2008
Video - 03:04
The Ballad Of Speaker Martin
1st December 2008
Video - 04:08
Today On Radio Phwoar!
1st December 2008
Video - 01:53
Olympics Letters To The Editor
1st December 2008
Video - 05:50
Dumb Britain II
1st December 2008
Video - 03:20
Harold Pinter's Nursery Rhymes
1st December 2008
Video - 03:28
The Book Of Ehud
1st December 2008
Video - 02:55
The Red Flag
1st December 2008
Video - 02:50
Also Available Online
More From This Issue
Private Eye Issue 1381
private eye Only In The Magazine

Osborne ‘on target to borrow all the Labour policies he needs to win election’… Pub asks Nigel Farage to ‘cover himself up in public with a napkin’… Alex Salmond ‘won’t rule out coalition with himself’… The Picture of Dorian Blair… Tonight on TV: That Mitchell and Pleb Look… Deluded Kim Karkashi Un in US Cyber Attack… Valerie Trierweiler’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Osborne & Little: What the chancellor didn’t say in his Autumn Statement
- Offshore oddity: The NatWest branches with freeholds owned in… sunny Gibraltar!
- Sparts at war: ‘Blackleg’ on the bitter row splitting Mark Serwotka’s PCS union
For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale: 23rd December 2014.

Private Eye Issue 1380
gnitty